I have said before that I wasn’t going to write about Charlie Sheen and the whole ‘being fucking insane’ thing he has going on, but now that he’s started out his “Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat Is Not An Option” show, the line has been crossed. Unlike a lot of people I chose not to waste the money on what would surely be an awful show, in part so I know I wasn’t responsible for fueling the ego of someone who needs some honest to god help. Part of me wishes I could have seen the horror unfold on his opening night at Detroit’s Fox Theater, but what I’ve read and seen reported has been quite enough. I think most people would agree with me when I say, “Stay the fuck out of Detroit you egotistical, drug addled, psychopath.”
You see, I could care less really about most of Sheen’s antics. His life has become a perfect example of schadenfreude - we love watching him crumble under the weight of his own hubris. Just listening to him speak is a confusing journey through a dark and confusing labyrinth that has given the world way too many new catchphrases (FYI, your shirt that says “Winning” means we will not be associating you twat-rocket.) Who can honestly argue that Sheen is a sane individual who fully grasps what is going on in his life? The man’s brain is fried by years of overindulgence in chemicals and ego.
No, what has me completely pissed off at Charlie Sheen is the attitude present in his show. From the opening moments Sheen not only disappointed, but offended. I can’t really talk too much about the opening comedian but he was bad enough to be booed off stage, and didn’t return for the Chicago performance. However things were bad enough since Charles decided to start about forty-five minutes late. He followed this up with his ‘Goddesses’ singing the national anthem and then making out. Remember - nothing says “America” like a former ‘High Times’ model and a porn star making out (later tweeted by Rachel Oberlin, aka pornstar Bree Olson [@BreeOlson] - “Despite popular belief, tonight live on stage in Detroit for Charlie's tour was the first time Natalie and I ever made out. ;)”). For an additional taste of anti-patriotism he had a podium that read, “The Warlock States of Sheen.”
Then things took a turn for the ugly. Before I get into it, I would like to state that I love the city of Detroit. I think it’s a great city with an unfortunately bad reputation. Sure it has it’s share of problems, but it’s nowhere near as bad as people think it is. Having said that - it’s now time to address Chuckles and his blatant disregard for his audience.
See, at one point Charlie finally set out to do what the show was supposed to be about, stories from his life. The problem however, was that Charlie decided to tell some stories about crack. Why? “I figured Detroit was a good place to tell some crack stories.” Yep, he assumed because he was in Detroit, everyone would be able to relate to his crack stories - and it would seem that he was encouraging people to use the drug: “I don’t do crack anymore, but this is a good fucking night to do some crack.” Yep - eat your Wheaties kids.
So the MaSheen (his word, not mine) basically got booed off stage for being a pretentious ass with nothing to offer an audience but insults and ego. Not only the whole ‘crack talk’ fiasco, but responding to boos by telling people, “I already got your money, dude.” After walking off stage and not properly finishing the show, one would hope Sheen would just OD on crack or perhaps find someone willing to serve him a face full of .45. But his show continued, probably because Jesus hates you, and so did his hate for Detroit.
Apparently the Chicago show stated on time, and went a lot better than the opening night, but Sheen blames all of that on Detroit. An article from Entertainment Weekly states:
“Despite the fixes, Sheen blamed reaction to the Detroit show not on himself, but on the opening night audience. Sheen reportedly urged the audience ‘not to become (expletive) Detroit tonight. Let’s show Detroit how it’s (expletive) done.’ Some audience members chanted ‘Detroit sucks.’”
Well, here is where I restate my previous point - “Stay the fuck out of Detroit you egotistical, drug addled, psychopath.” Honestly, you’re grandiose on-stage verbal masturbation/diarrhea is not wanted here - especially when you decide that the best way to connect with us is by belittling us. Your Detroit show sucked because YOU were terrible, and didn’t have any sort of plan for the mindfuck of a mess you charged people $75 a piece for. Then, when the audience is unhappy you rub it in like the snivelling shit you are, instead of admitting it’s your own goddamn fault.
Get help you irritating, delusional fuckwad. And stay the fuck out of Detroit.
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