What Do "Huckleberry Finn" and South Carolina Have In Common?

By now, most of you have heard of one of the greatest literary travesties of all time taking place with the new editions of Mark Twain’s famous novel, “Huckleberry Finn.” You see one publisher and Twain scholar Alan Gribben think the 219 uses of the word ‘nigger’ (and four in “Tom Sawyer,” - yes the novel, not the song by Rush you jackass) “puts the books in danger of joining the list of literary classics that Twain once humorously defined as those "’which people praise and don't read.’"

So far on MSNBC’s page for the issue it appears that intelligence is winning out and 96% of the people who have voted say the word needs to be kept in tact as Twain’s work is basically of historical note and shows the tensions of the time. So at least I feel like I’m in good company on this one. Seriously, the works of Twain, like them or not, like their language or not, are literary classics for the historical snapshots they offer. Should we run around using the word nigger anymore? No. Which makes things so confusing.

While researching the Twain issue - which I initially wanted to write a bit more about - however due to actual research (I did did a search on MSNBC for the word “Twain”) it seems my job is done and most people find it retarded - I found another Twain scholar, Stephen Railton, has a version of the book coming out, unaltered, with aids for exploring racism and slavery. This is the appropriate way to go with a work of historical literature. Don’t alter it and make it seem like things were better than they actually were. We can’t let a word like ‘nigger’ scare us away from it’s historical significance.

Now I’m not saying just because it’s historically relevant it’s free to use by anyone and for whatever situtation. No, white people keep your mouths shut. You kind of fucked up, we’re not allowed to use that word because of the degradation it represents. However, in discussion, you don’t have to pussyfoot around it, you goddamn pussies.

So - there is where I stand on Huckleberry-geddon. Keep the word ‘nigger’ in the book for it’s historical significance, but if you WANT to improve it, provide the context to teach the reader more about racism and slavery, and why whitey was a real prick back then. Now though, on to the REAL topic - South Carolina is bringing the stupid.

This whole “Huckleberry Finn” thing is mouse nuts when you put it into context of this next issue. Basically, a publisher, as a whole made a definite decision to alter a historical work of literature, but South Caro-Fucking-Lina is pondering whether it’s a good idea to put “Coon Hunters” on the back of their license plates. 

Yes ladies and jagoffs, that's correct. In a move to be politically correct, a business made a move to drastically alter a fictional snapshot of American history while a state, in today’s PC tweaked socio-political environment has to THINK about whether or not it’d be a good idea to put what could be taken as a racial slur on their license plates. The only way it could be worse is if Alabama followed suit and added “The Lynching State” to their plates.

For fuck’s sake people could you not have the priorities here anymore fucked up? On one hand you are willingly defacing a historical piece of literature in order to be more politically correct instead of using said piece of work to teach kids about the racial tensions of the times and WHY the use of the word ‘nigger’ is wrong; on the other, South Carolina basically is one step short of putting a nicely silhouetted black man hanging from a noose on their license plate by wanting to add the phrase “Coon Hunters” to them. How is it that under consideration at all?

I have a fucking plan, lets send those upcoming versions of Huck Finn with the word ‘nigger’ intact to South Carolina’s capitol and MAYBE they can read those and an elementary school teacher can walk them through the tough parts - you know explaining why RACISM IS BAD. Did they miss the whole period of time through the civil war to civil rights and everything in between. They do know it’s okay for blacks and whites to be in the same place now, they don’t need separate bathrooms or anything?

Seriously? Fuck Alan Gribben, and fuck South Carolina. You’re both retarded.